June 01, 2021

Fifteen Years Later, I See How It Went

 

They say you fall in love with your child

the moment you first hold them,

the cord just cut, still covered in blood

and vernix. I held the strange being

just arrived from the womb and felt curious,

astonished, humble, nervous, but I didn’t feel love.

That didn’t come till later. Came from holding him

while he was screaming. Waking with him

when I wanted to sleep. Bouncing him

when I wanted to be still. Love grew as

my ideas of myself diminished. Love grew

as he came into himself. Love grew

as I learned to let go of what I’d been told

and to trust the emerging form.

Until I couldn’t imagine being without him.

Until I was the one being born.

Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, ahundredfallingveils.com, April 23, 2020

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