They say you fall in love with your child
the moment you first hold them,
the cord just cut, still covered in blood
and vernix. I held the strange being
just arrived from the womb and felt curious,
astonished, humble, nervous, but I didn’t feel love.
That didn’t come till later. Came from holding him
while he was screaming. Waking with him
when I wanted to sleep. Bouncing him
when I wanted to be still. Love grew as
my ideas of myself diminished. Love grew
as he came into himself. Love grew
as I learned to let go of what I’d been told
and to trust the emerging form.
Until I couldn’t imagine being without him.
Until I was the one being born.
Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, ahundredfallingveils.com, April 23,
2020
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