from Sects from A to Z (extracts)

The Baptists put stock in immersion
And loudly will cast the aspersion
           That a ritual that stops
           With a few sprinkled drops
Is merely a watered-down version.

The blue-eyed Episcopal ladies
and gentlemen look like the Bradys.
           Their children are blond,
           And they all are quite fond
Of the Escalades and the Mercedes.

The Quakers possess inner lighting
And refrain from all feuding and fighting;
           They enter their meetings
           With "Bless Thee" for greetings,
But the service is hardly exciting.
         
The Shakers thought sexual activity
Was a wasteful sinful proclivity:
           "No more sleeping in pairs!
           Go make tables and chairs!
Sublimate and increase productivity!"

Most Zealots are eager to tell us
That their God is bad-tempered and jealous.
           They go on for hours
           Describing his powers
With a zeal that is excessively zealous.

R. S. Gwynn, Poetry, July, 2005